Woodsie's House of Pancakes

aw baby, i'm sorry...

2007-03-04T02:19:00.000-05:00

So...

whats up?...

I know I have neglected my blogger account... but baby, come on... myspace is so sexy these days!...

SLAP

ok, I deserved that.

Anyway, I'm starting to get sick of myspace. Too many hacks. Plus a friend of mine has a blogcast on here, so that's drawing me back.

FOR NOW... check the myspace account for updates/news/annoying bulletins.

But I'm comin' back, yo.... comin' back.

blerg

2006-08-03T18:19:00.000-05:00

Illiterate Spirit Frustrates Ouija- Board Players

July 26, 2006

STRATTANVILLE, PA—Late-night attempts to contact the spirit world proved more frustrating than enlightening for a slumber party of Strattanville teens Saturday when the only specter they were able to contact suffered from borderline illiteracy, sources said. The poorly educated revenant frustrated the séance participants, who quickly grew impatient with such otherworldly messages as "W-U-R-N-N-G—F-U-M—B-A-Y-O-N—T-H-E—G-R-A-V" and other hard-to-interpret information. Organizer Olivia Bamberger, 13, said they were all "embarrassed for the guy," and finally asked the wraith to tell them the future and "sound out the big words."

our song

2006-06-25T18:14:00.000-05:00

get yer Bush on...

http://www.thatvideosite.com/view/2739.html

haven't posted on either site for a while. been fighting a nagging pain-in-the-ass cold for about 2 weeks now. i've eaten more chicken noodle soup in the past 10 days then I had all last year.

to be honest, i think it actually hindered my healing. i wonder if it was the brand i was eating...

oregone

2006-04-14T22:47:00.000-05:00

Just finished playing a game I hadn't played since 3rd grade...

Oregon Trail

to play, you need the AppleIIe emulator

I trailed it with several from the old gang. Here's how they faired...

ANDY - got dysentery early, then measles

CODY - got cholera and died

DUSTIN - got the measles, broke his leg, died

SISKOW - although he survived, he was by FAR the most careless... broke his arm in the first 50 miles, got cholera around mile 150, got over the cholera and caught dysentery around mile 275, was cured of dysentery and got cholera AGAIN 100 miles later, was bitten by a snake in Boise, and then broke his other arm as we were crossing into Oregon.

and last but not least....

BK - nothing. smooth sailing. probably by stealing rations out of everyone else's satchels.

- w

мой место

2006-04-07T17:25:00.000-05:00

перемещая в'мойспайс

translation - i move to myspace

http://www.myspace.com/woodsiewoods

спасибо

Happy V D !!!

2006-02-14T14:17:00.000-05:00

Here are some greetings from ANUORD TEH WROLD!

"Happy Valentines Day!" - Debbie Shubert

"Happy V-Day! well, the other one..." - WWII vets

"Happy Valen... wait, was that gunfire?" - Valentines Day Massacre

"HAPPYVDAYBYE" - FTD florist

"I choo-choo-CHOOSE you!" - Union Pacific

"Happy Bailin-times Day" - hay bailers

"Happy Valencia Times Day!" - confused newspaper editor

"Happy ValenQUAIL!!! >BOOM!<... oh crap" - Dick Cheney

"Chaney hunts me?" - Dan Quale

"Happy Holidays" - Walmart

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!" - chocolate

"cha-CHING!$$$" - any candy/card manufacturer

" :) Y " - webdinger

How did he update?

2006-01-09T04:37:00.000-05:00

Dats right.

Don't be jealous.

I gots me a new PC.

New as in I ain't had it yet.

And it doesn't run on coal.

Directly, anyway.

Of course, I still have the Packard Bell. It makes a great coffee table. I'll probably keep it as long as it works. It's become kind of a game to see how long the PB will last. Even if I can only play DOS games on it. I still think "Rise Of The Triad" is under-rated. Ludicris Gibs!

cough

dog mode

QUICK, BEFORE IT CRASHES!

2005-11-18T04:39:00.000-05:00

Reason why Woodsie hasn't blogged in so long...

Turn on computer.
DOS prompt initiates.
EZ BIOS active.
Floppy Drive A failure: Hit ESCAPE to BOOT, F1 for SETUP
hit escape.
Boot continutes.
Keyboard connected.
Mouse connected.
STARTUP MODE: Enter "1" for Normal Mode, "2" for Safe Mode, "3" for Low Graphic Mode
"1", enter.
WINDOWS STARTING.
Since Windows did not shut down properly, the hard drive must be checked for errors
sigh.
Checking drive C...
Checking drive D...
Checking drive E...
Checking drive F...
WINDOWS STARTS!
ERROR: Rundll did not start.
click ok.
ERROR: Msgsrv could not be located.
click ok.
WARNING: Tmljrvc does not exist.
click ok.
wait 5 minutes for Windows to stop loading.
Close Quicktime to optimize operation.
Close SETI screen saver to optimize operation.
Close spyware worm that isn't hidden because computer isn't smart enough.
Open AOL.
Sign on.
Connect at 14.4bps.
Try to use AOL for 5 minutes.
WAOL has performed an illegal operation. Click OK to close.
click ok.
crash.

Still surfing the web on a Packard Bell: priceless...

Like a violent mental patient in Raytown...

2005-09-11T15:04:00.000-05:00

...I'm Kansas City bound!

In my quest to have lived in every state by the age of 30, I am moving to Kansas City, MO.

I'll be working for the Hearst-Argyle owned, ABC affiliate, KMBC-TV.

Here's a pic of me trying out the cameras during my interview. They were made before "planned obsolescence" was invented. Apparently, so was I.

They also have a chopper that I hope to work in from time to time.

Of course, moving to market 30 has it's perks, such as in-town pro sports.

Apparently, they have a pro construction team, too. Go I-Beams!

Another Woods who lives in KC. Maybe I'll see him at our psycho-analytical meetings, known as "Into The Woods".

Anyway, I start work out there on Sept 26th. I'll get back to yous whens I have a place to live, hopefully near a good BBQ place...

Heart disease, here I come...

History Being Made

2005-08-28T16:40:00.000-05:00

Monday, August 29th, 2005

The day New Orleans became a lake

Follow weather history in the making...

http://www.stormtracker.noaa.gov/stormtracker-katrina.htm

best ever

2005-08-12T20:06:00.000-05:00

ah-ha-ha-ha

Luke, I am your father... so where is my card

2005-06-19T15:37:00.000-05:00

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

yes, even to you, Punchy McHitsalot

Here are some greetings from fathadorers around the world...

"Happy Father's Day!" - Bobby McNally, 7

"Happy Fodders Day!" - hay farmers

"Happy Farters Day!" - BEANS

":-)DADSDAY!" - cell phone text'ers

"Happy Half-my-DNA Day!" - sperm donor babies

"Happy Daddy Bug Day!" - Papa Roach

"Happy Fazsha's Day, yesh yesh, HAHAHAHahahaaha" - Goldmember

"OIH2EFlkjs " - webdinger

"you know i'm not bad... not bad... cha'mon"

2005-06-15T23:17:00.000-05:00

so is this "Return Of The King... Of Pop"?

Jeepers Crappers

2005-06-07T21:04:00.000-05:00

There's been a touch of drama lately when it comes to the Woodsiemobile... she's had a tough couple months.

Let's just say THAT wasn't in the brochure.

However, in this dimension you humans call "reality", the events were a bit different. Someone backed into my parked vee-hickle, causing damage similar to this...

and of course, they "forgot" to leave a note with their info before speeding away in a drunken haze.

sigh

"OK, alright, it doesn't look pretty, but it's drivable, RIGHT?"

right.

for about 3 weeks.

little did I know that 3 weeks later, THIS would fall off...

yes, that's a door. and yes, that's what fell off.

let me elaborate...

Hopped in the car, on the way to the gym... stopped at a stop light... turned right while accelerating HOLY CRAP WHY DID MY DRIVERS SIDE DOOR JUST OPEN?!?! quickly closed door in a hurried, cursing manner.

stopped at gas station for gatorade. exited car, closed door, purchased said gatorade, returned to car, "why is my door open". Apparently the door did not close when i slammed it shut after arrival at the Uni-mart.

looked at door. tried to close it.

>CRUNCH<

hmm...

opened door wide...

>CREEEEAAAAK<

tried to slam door shut...

>SMACK<

interesting... the door no longer closes on it's normal axis of rotation...

the axis has tilted ROUGHLY 15 degrees toward the front of the car.

So NOW, at it's "closed" position, the top of the door overlaps the roof by about 2 inches.

WOODSIE'S BRILLIANT SOLUTION : Yank down on door in a feeble attempt to correct the axis of rotation...

>>CRACKACRUNCHYthud<<

door is now free from previous axis of rotation, and is supported solely by Woodsie's white-knuckled hands.

(insert multiple explitives here)

So I rigged the door back into a semi-normal closed position, making sure the latch was securely locked, and climbed in through the passenger's side. In one last effort to secure the door as much as possible, I yanked on the inside handle.

>rip<

oh yes. now this was off as well.

lovely.

this obviously needs to be fixed. so how can I complicate this matter even more?

I KNOW!!! I'll buy the parts and install them myself!!!

... better get Maaco

so 2 more weeks and a few coins later, everythings fixed...

next week : Woodsie finds out what "4 mpg" means

i ate one

2005-04-18T02:51:00.000-05:00

really...

I was in Iceland.

And I didn't know what it was.

I thought it was a fish.

The menu said "pickled puffin".

Little did I know

it was an adorable,

innocent,

happy,

...

endangered bird.

I DIDN'T KNOW!!!

I also ate something else...

And I have no regrets.

MARGARET CHO SUCKS!!!!!!!!

i think i just SOYled myself

2005-03-21T02:40:00.000-05:00

Well I'll be a monkey's uncle...

in about 3 months. I told sis not to take that job at the zoo.

In other news, both news stations I worked for in 2004 have won major awards.

http://www.nppa.org/competitions/best_of_tv_photojournalism/2005/winners/photography/station_of_the_year.html

KCCI in Des Moines won runner-up for "Station Of The Year - Small Market", and WHTM in Harrisburg has won runner-up "Station Of The Year - Medium Market". These are amazing accomplishments against incredible odds, and I'm honored to be a part of both teams.

http://www.poynter.org/content/content_view.asp?id=79970

Furthermore, my very good friend Dan Bolsem received an individual national award for spot news, and chief photographer at WHTM Doug Legore received one for general news.

And congratulations to Siskow for doing worse than me in NCAA Tournament Pick'em so far... dude, I picked LSU and UConn, come ON!!!

can't... stop... watching...

2005-03-15T21:42:00.000-05:00

There's snow business like snooze business...

2005-03-06T15:37:00.000-05:00

Those of you who live in the midwest, or the upper midwest, or the lower upper middle east west, or Russia, know how snow is SUPPOSED to be covered by news agencies. Unfortunately, the journalism students in the northeast slept through Snow Coverage 105.

The following is an accurate representation of a published factual dramatization based on a true story in spanish where available...

Guidelines for snow coverage in and around the
Pennsylvania midstate:

(1) Mobilize "Full Team
Coverage" when snow is predicted, is falling, or has fallen. Also do so if the
word "snow" is uttered in any competition's newscast. Or if it happens to be
January, February, or March.

(2) News graphics - Before it
snows, use "Snow on the way?" If we get 1 to 2 inches, use "Snow Emergency!" 3
to 7, use "Killer Storm!" Anything more, run with "Avalanches, Cannibalism
Feared."

(3) Anchors - Use dramatic verbs, such as
paralyzed/pummeled/blasted/buried when describing what the snow did to the city.
Use dramatic nouns as well, such as Armageddon.

(4)
Required video - The overpass. The city salt hut. The supermarket. (remember -
any store where 2 shoppers are buying milk, bread, and/or toilet paper
simultaneously constitutes "panic buying"

(5) Interviews - Anyone
walking in, driving in, or looking at the snow. (required question - "You're
walking/driving in THIS weather?!")

(6) Must obtain video of; (a)
car/bus failing to climb icy hill, (b) two cars skidding into each other, (c)
more impressive snowfall somewhere else. Will accept video of these occuring
ANYWHERE in United States.

(7) The next day, use graphics
such as "Winter Wonderland" and "Digging Out" and "Thousands Feared Dead". Also,
make sure weatherman explains to viewers why the forecast was right, not
wrong.

(8) Repeat steps 1 - 8 at least twenty five times
every winter season... or

(9) Move west.

HEY KIDS, It's FUN FACT TIME!!!

Google image search results for "Andy Langager"

1st image

slunch

12th image

maggie

81rd image

Shrinklejuice

Absolute last image

Andy Langager

(8^(|)

2005-02-11T02:15:00.000-05:00

which one is different?

2005-01-30T15:59:00.000-05:00

do the shuffle

(pics courtesy of Apple iPod Shuffle)

(Ickey Shuffle courtesy of 1988)

gesticulations

2005-01-21T21:36:00.000-05:00

wait... what?

2005-01-08T17:43:00.000-05:00

actual Top Story on a broadcast news website :

Retarded Kennedy Sister Dies at 86

Washington - Rosemary Kennedy, the retarded sister of President John F.
Kennedy and the inspiration for the Special Olympics, died Friday. She was
86.

...in her own diaries before the lobotomy she chronicled a life of tea
dances, dress fittings, trips to Europe and a visit to the Roosevelt White
House.

...But as she got older, her father worried that his daughter's mild
condition would lead her into situations that could damage the family's
reputation. "Rosemary was a woman, and there was a dread fear of pregnancy,
disease and disgrace," author Laurence Leamer wrote in an unauthorized Kennedy
biography.

...Doctors told Joseph Kennedy that a lobotomy, a medical procedure in
which the frontal lobes of a patient's brain are scraped away, would help his
daughter and calm her mood swings that the family found difficult to handle at
home.

Yeah, stick it to her one last time in her MEMORIAL OBITUARY by mentioning they cut her brain to save the Kennedy's rep. Nice. By the way, she was retarded. Did they say she was retarded? Because she was retarded. Wow. I love this business...

I just blogged in my pants

2005-01-01T01:01:00.000-05:00

Happy Sununu Year!

Hope you all had a festive start to 2005! Or "The Year That Was" if you're reading this in 2006. Or "Back When We Were Stupid" if you're reading this in 3006.

Now to pass along some New Year resolutions from around the world!

Except from Connecticut. They do no wrong.

"To stop smoking" - Jarod Sphoctogon, Atlanta

"To pretend we want people to stop smoking" - Philip Morris

"To keep smmmmmokin!" - The Mask

"To lose 30 lbs" - Tina Buckleberry, Detroit

"To gain 30 pounds" - employee in London

"To lose 13.608 kgs" - big ol' fatty fat metric system

"To lose. Again." - U.S. Foreign Policy

"To figure out how this could happen twice" - Federal Election Commission

"To figure out how we got so fabulous!" - San Francisco

"To live more than 12 months" - Baby New Year

"To find out why my picture is on this site" - Rep. John Sununu

"To dump this lazy 'O' and get on with our half-life" - water

"To make Americans roll their eyes in disgust" - FOX

"To make Americans dot their i's in August" - summer school

"To kill Woodsie" - Americans Against Puns

"To kill a mockingbird... for real this time" - Harper Lee

"To start talking and scare the crap out of you" - your reflection in the mirror

"To start talking" - Danny Fusswater, 18 months

"To start talking ejucatedlike" - George W Bush

"To stop talking FOR THE LOVE OF GOD" - Kathy Griffin

"To end this list before 2006" - Woodsie

"To make amazing suppersmashtime Kallyfohrnia" - Arnold

"To make you fear door knobs" - static electricity

"To unleash our fury on the world!" - leashes

"To reincarnate myself and update my site" - John C Meyers

"AW snap" - Jerry Springer fan

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earth date 2004.9835616438356

2004-12-25T14:36:00.000-05:00

The kids and I wish you a very Merry Christmas

and a Happy New Year!

If you don't have any plans, come party with us where it's sure to be happenin'

Afterparty : CHIPs marathon

Turkey Day Is The Happy With You, Yes?

2004-11-25T18:08:00.000-05:00

Oh, you crafty turkeys... will that blind farmer/detective/paedophile ever learn?

In the spirit of the holiday, here are some greetings from many people, places, things, and stuff!...

"Happy Thanksgiving!" - the first pilgrims

"Happy Tanksgiving!" - U.S. Armed Forces

"Happy KeepingYourPromises Day!" - Native Americans

"Happy Easter!" - turkeys

"T-day Brings Thanks, Food" - newspaper editors

"Happy Bloody Thursday, you MURDERERS!" - PETA

"Happy Pauly Shore Day!" - Canada

"Happy Thanksgi... YAWN... giving... (snore)" - Tryptophan

":o) YO !" - wEBDINGER

""HAPIOY THANGAVINGGGG, WOOOOAGHAYaAA!~!!%&burp" - DUIs

"ZUBABABABWAAAH!!!" - Chu Chu Rocket

LOOKit... I just ate one.

The turkey looks good, too.

TTYL,

Dahlmer

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